For Grooms Only
Brides.... This Page is Not for you so continue on to another page.....
Please do not take this page personally, but as a woman I thought I would sneak in here and give ya a few pointers to make sure you (THE GROOM) stay on the good side of your Bride.
A Grooms Guide To Wedding Planning
Welcome to the madness of wedding planning. Wedding planning is all about picking your battles. The key is knowing when to have an opinion, when to help and when to walk away. Millions of men get married every year and have tried to share the survival tactics I am sharing here with you.
You probably have some questions: What, we’re spending $600 on a cake, which is made with flour and eggs? Why does my fiancée—the intelligent, amazing woman I love – now talk about things like calla lilies and tussy mussy bouquets? And most important “What do “I” need to do? It’s easy to lose perspective, it easy to get confused, and it’s easy to get lured into debates, fights or even teary meltdowns that make no sense. (Who cares if peomies are out-of-season and roses have to be subbed in? Wait, did I just say that? What is a peony anyway?)
Your Game Plan
So what’s important—and what do you actually need to do? Between now and D-Day, stick to this game plan and you’ll be set.
Pitch In For The Big Three: You know the 80/20 rule? Basically, 80 percent of your wedding’s costs will come from 20 percent of the decisions. So the trick is to help your fiancée with the right 20 percent. That means pitching in on the Big Three: the guest list, the date and the venue. For these you need to do more than just say, “Sure, honey, that sounds fine.” Here’s the drill: The guest list Deciding who’s in, who’s out and how to divvy up the spots with your families essentially requires you to rank everyone you’ve ever known in order of importance. She can’t do this without you – her DNA makes it impossible. The fastest way to cut down the list with minimal tears? Adopt a policy of no kids, no coworkers and no dates (unless you know them). The date Be the voice of guy reason here. For the sake of your guests, don’t schedule the wedding during a hard holiday. March Madness, the World Series, the Super Bowl… or any NFL playoff weekend, really. The venue. This fancy team for party spot drives most of the costs. Ask if you can bring your own booze, use your own caterer and how they handle parking. Ask these three questions and -BOOM!!! – you’ll earn instant credibility with your fiancée, and you can doze off for the rest.
Draft and Manage Your Team: Choosing your groomsmen is like the ultimate fantasy football draft. You have a first=round pick (the best man), and then you fill out the roster with the rest of your best buds. A few guideline: Even if you’re not close, include your brother (and hers –seriously). There’s no law that says you must have the same number of friends, as long as the final count isn’t you:1 Her 12. When in doubt, friendship trumps etiquette. The latter is fungible; the former isn’t.
Pick The Music: This is an important one: The music can make or break the party, and if it’s bad, it can undo $30,000 worth of planning. Give the DJ a do not play list that includes “Like a Virgin”, I will Always Love You”, and Lady in Red”. Not only is that the last one a cliché’, but your bride won’t be in red. Awkward.
Salvage the Registry: Gravy boats, teacups, Extra sets of towels. These will be your punishment if you neglect the registry. Your fiancée will (probably) want to register at the traditional shops like Bed Bath Beyond, Pier One, Pottery Barn and Macy’s – and that’s fine. But you can also register at places like Amazon.com or Target (where you can ask for aaaanything), or for honeymoon funds.
Choose your Ring: How much cash have you blown on TV’s, watches, Doritos or laptops? Those items are perishable (well the Doritos are questionable). Your wedding ring is not. Make it a good one.
Write your Vows: Do it only if she insists. Use basic words, speak honestly and focus on the four F’s: Forever, Fidelity, Falling in love and Freaking Out. Maybe it’s the three F’s…..
Get Fit: You’ll be photographed more on this day than on every other day in your life combined. The next week, you’ll be naked more than any other time in your life. “Nuff said.
Find a Tux: get a good tailor, opt for timeless, over trendy, skip the cummerbund, go easy on the colors, avoid pleats, stick with a simple collar (turndown or spread) and think long and hard about whether you really want to wear a bow tie. As for your groomsmen? Your bride will have some thoughts on how to coordinate with the bridesmaids…defer to her.
Plan the Honeymoon: Take the lead on this job—it’s a winner. Unlike wedding planning, there’s no etiquette, no formalities, no nagging moms who
bicker about appetizers. Book waaaaaay in advance and consider a half n’ half (where the trip is adventure and half’s on the beach).
Buy Groomsmen Gifts: No flasks. It’s cliché and they probably already have seven. Also avoid pens, shot glasses and money clips (it’s presumptuous to overhaul someone’s cash-storing methodology). Better bets: knives, cuff links, golf crap and –a personal pick –a nice weekend bag.
YOUR “DO NOT TOUCH” LIST
For both your sakes, dodge all the bride – y stuff. Highlights include:
The Invitations: See George Costanza. When grooms get too involved with picking out the stationary, people die.
Coordinating the bridesmaid dresses and flowers: If you have an opinion on this, be sure to coordinate the flowers to your dress too.
Her dress: You should help her with her dress the day you let her draft your fantasy football team. She’ll put a gun to your head.
The cake: You’re the taster, not the decider. This is one of the all-time best deals that men have in life, right up there with not having to wear heels and being able to pee standing up.
The flowers: Cymbidium orchid, peony, geranium, Chinese lantern and Japanese lantern—those mean nothing to you? Good. That means you’re the groom.
YOUR EXTRA CREDIT
For when she’s super – stressed and you want to get back on her good side.
Surprise Her With A Massage: Or flower, Or dinner. Not because you need to, or it’s a special occasion. Just…because.
Practice the First Dance: Dancing is like a pina colada. As men we’re not supposed to like it, but under the right circumstances, it’s fun. And this is the right circumstance. Take lessons with your fiancée (everyone does it). Own it.
Be A Buffer: Your most important job was to propose. Your second-most-important job: avoiding jail time, a new son and herpes. Play by her rules. This is not a battle you want to fight.
Curb the Sarcasm: I know, trust me….---It’s hard not to laugh at all this. Your fiancée will be quoting articles like “900+ New Centerpieces!” (that’s not an exaggeration. This article exists). But remember: Even though it seems silly, it’s hard work. While you have it easy, she has a new part-time job. At least pretend to be excited about the flowers or cake, and be thankful that she’s handling so much of the dirty work.
Buy Her A Bridal Gift: Don’t make the classic rookie mistake of getting caught empty –handed when she gives you a gift at the rehearsal dinner. Sage options include jewelry, a framed photo (it better be a damn good frame---and photo) or a gift her mom or best friend helped you pick out.
For The Groom/Groomsmen: 17 Ways To Be A Gentleman
Here's a secret: The art of being a gentleman isn't complicated, expensive or hard to master.
In most cases, good manners means channeling your inner good intentions--and drawing them out. It's remaining consistently considerate, thoughtful, gracious and charming, even in the most difficult circumstances. This is what makes a true gentleman stand apart.
While we know it's not easy to change any habits overnight, here is a cheat sheet of 17 little ways you can alter your behavior--and enhance your savoir-faire--in a snap.
Old Way: You look up when a woman arrives at your table.
The Gentlemanly Way: You pull out her chair when she is being seated. And when she leaves, rise from your chair, whether completely or just slightly, as a mark of courtesy.
Old Way: You drive your fiancée or an elder person home at night after a party
The Gentlemanly Way: Upon arrival, you walk around the car and open his or her door.
Old Way: You escort your fiancée down the street (such as to her car or to a taxi).
The Gentlemanly Way: You walk on the side closest to traffic.
Old Way:You look up when you meet someone new.
The Gentlemanly Way: You stand up (when seated) when introduced to someone, and extend a firm handshake.
Old Way: When making an introduction, you pronounce everyone's first and last names.
The Gentlemanly Way: Not only do you speak each person's name distinctly, you introduce the younger person to the older first and next, the man to the woman, as a mark of deference.
Old Way: You hold the door for a woman.
The Gentlemanly Way: You enhance this gesture by letting the woman precede you while you hold the door open.
Old Way: You host a dinner party (at all).
The Gentlemanly Way: You serve the ladies first at dinner, then the men.
Old Way: You swear, but only among close friends.
The Gentlemanly Way: You omit profanity from your vocabulary.
Old Way: You're no more than 15 minutes late.
The Gentlemanly Way: You are always punctual or, if detained, you always phone ahead to alert others that you're being detained.
Old Way: You keep the conversation going--by talking about yourself.
The Gentlemanly Way: You take care ask other people about themselves and their interests. It's the secret to being a good conversationalist.
Old Way: You shower daily.
The Gentlemanly Way: You're always shaved and well-groomed, with clean, trimmed nails and hair.
Old Way: You wear a clean shirt.
The Gentlemanly Way: You always don clean, well-pressed clothes and well-polished or scuff-free shoes--even on a casual day.
Old Way: You wear a tie when appropriate
The Gentlemanly Way: You extend this attention to detail at every occasion. You know when to wear a jacket, when to wear a tie and when to dress more casually.
Old Way: You say good-bye to your host before leaving a party.
The Gentlemanly Way: You also send a thank-you note promptly the next day.
Old Way: You remember to always put down the toilet seat.
The Gentlemanly Way: If your aim is a bit off, you even wipe the bowl clean with toilet paper.
Old Way: You remember to shave.
The Gentlemanly Way: You also rinse off the bathroom sink after shaving, and remove every stray hair from the drain after showering. These practices are all about being sensitive to others in your life.
Old Way: You remember to give gifts to your fiancée on her birthday and Valentine's Day.
The Gentlemanly Way: You often send flowers, a book, or other gifts to the woman in your life, often for no reason at all.
What Are Your Groomsmen Responsible For
Name another event in your life where a band of your best buddies and male relatives stand around you in matching garb just to watch you make the biggest commitment of your life? Oh, that's right. There isn't one.
Your wedding is a huge deal so when your nearest and dearest accept the responsibility of participating in your day, it helps the day run more smoothly when you spell out exactly what you expect them to do.
•Tap the eldest or most responsible of your groomsmen to be your head usher - tell him that it is his responsibility to make sure all the other ushers show up and are: 1. Appropriately attired 2. On time and 3. Fully informed of what's expected of them on the Big Day. (Obviously, give him the cell numbers and email addresses way before your wedding day.) Since your Best Man will likely be with you before show time and not on the "floor," so to speak, it is not a good idea to have him as your point person.
•Groomsmen should arrive at the ceremony site 45 minutes to an hour before the ceremony begins.
•At the ceremony, the groomsmen or ushers are responsible for seating guests, whether it is a church, synagogue or secular location. Generally, the rule of thumb is one usher for every 50 guests. But since another rule--that there should be the same number of ushers as bridesmaids--supplants this formula, don't worry if your usher-to-guest ratio isn't spot on.
•When guests arrive, the ushers should ask if they wish to be seated on the bride's side or the groom's side before escorting them to their seats. Ushers should give their arm to unescorted ladies. With couples, they should converse pleasantly with them as they lead them to their seats. The ushers should also make sure the front rows remain reserved for immediate family, if so desired.
•Ushers may need to do a bit of decorating too. The ushers may unroll an aisle runner after guests are seated but before the processional begins. Also, ribbons are sometimes placed along the aisle just before the bride's entrance to keep guests from leaving and clogging the aisle before the wedding party and immediate family enter and exit the ceremony. The ushers are the ones who put up and take down these ribbons.
•Finally, your ushers need to know where to stand after walking down the aisle escorting the bridesmaids. This can be resolved during the rehearsal the night prior, if not earlier.
The Groom Speech: 10 Rules
Before you met your fiancée, back when you were still looking for the right girl, the woman needed to have two qualities for long-term potential: personality and looks. Even if she looked like Megan Fox, you’d be bored in weeks if she despised your friends and constantly bitched about your job. And if she had a “lovely personality” but could be an extra on The Biggest Loser, then you’d ditch her in the morning once you sobered up.
Personality and looks. You need both. You found both.
Your wedding toast has a similar two-pronged criteria for success. As the groom, it’s absolutely critical that your toast convey two qualities: humor and heart. Forget the humor and you’re a pansy; forget the heart and you’re a dick. (Sorry. We told you we’d give it to you straight.). As the groom, you face expectations.
Humor and heart. To sufficiently employ them, you must stick to the following rules:
Reiterate your love for your bride.
Look, this is Men. The Plunge. You’re as cynical as it gets. But even Men acknowledge that for your wedding toast, it’s imperative that you dial up the whole “earnest love” shtick. Toward the end of your speech, you must say how lucky you are to have met this woman, how much you love her, how she still makes you wobbly in the knees—and you’ll feel that way for the rest of your life. Men know, You know…barf. But it has to be done. And happily, this moment of ahhhhwwww will be nicely counter-balanced by Number 2…
There’s a difference between “humor” and “jokes.”
This is not the time to tell a daring, push-the-envelope joke like, “How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.”
Don’t tell that joke. Or any generic joke. Instead, stick to some humorous anecdotes about how you met, how she’s the only one who finds your cooking edible (self deprecation—always a plus), how you knew it was over when she smoked you in tennis, whatever. What’s important is to use true anecdotes.
Ignore dumb quotes.
The wedding porn gives some helpful quotes you can use. Ignore most of them. The Knot, for example, suggests the Congolese proverb (yes, Congolese, we couldn’t make this stuff up), “Love is like a baby; it needs to be treated gently.” Or the Russian proverb, “Love and eggs are best when they are fresh.” Your own sincerity is better than a random, impersonal quote. While it’s okay if the earnest-junk sounds a little clichéd (hey, it is what it is), never stuff the speech with corny “filler” quotes that everyone else uses at their weddings.
Thank the hosts.
The bride’s parents, especially if they just scribbled out a check for $30,000 bucks, deserve the most prolonged expression of gratitude. It’s okay, kiss a little butt. And thank them even if they haven’t paid a nickel—it’ll score you in-law goodwill. (In fact, it’s expected. Not thanking the in-laws will look about as good as grabbing your bride’s sister and jamming your tongue down her throat.) And give a shout-out to the schleppers. Whoever traveled 3,000+ miles just to eat some cake deserves a quick tip of the hat.
But don’t thank the Academy.
Don’t be like one of those obnoxious Academy Award winners who drones on and on by thanking Patty Sue for this beautiful cake, thanking your buddy Gus for the photography, and thanking our lord Jesus Christ for making this all come together. You’ve just lost your audience.
Practice. When you’re done, practice more. Repeat.
Yes, we harped on this when you proposed and we stressed it again for the Best Man’s toast, but it’s the single most effective way to improve your performance. Keep practicing in the mirror until you can deliver it with confidence. Don’t just give this a few minutes. Give it a few hours. If you spent 67 hours playing Destiny just so you can have the Score, leading team, and whatever—we’ve all done this—then you can spend a few hours prepping for the most important speech of your life.
Look your bride in the eye.
Before you actually get to the lovey-dovey crap (see Rule 1), turn from the crowd to your bride, pause, let the moment gather a hint of drama, and then look her dead in the eye. Address her by her name. This will make every woman in the reception reach for a tissue and dab their newly-forming tears.
Keep it short.
See? Isn’t this one easier to read?
Keep the structure simple.
All you really need is an intro (welcoming the guests), a boatload of thank yous (see above), some humor-and-heart anecdotes about how you met your wife, and then a closing about how much you love her. Bang. That’s it. No need to reinvent the wheel.
Again, we don’t recommend using canned quotations like, “St. Augustine once said, ‘Insomuch as love grows in you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul.’” (Guess who suggested that little gem? Yep. Keep ‘em coming, Knot!)
Or another from About.com: “Here's to the prettiest, here's to the wittiest, Here's to the truest of all who are true, Here's to the neatest one, here's to the sweetest one, Here's to them, all in one - here's to you.”
The trick is customizing and personalizing. The site Speeches.com, for instance, sells six different versions of “Conventional Groom Toasts.” For about $16 bucks, you fill in the blanks (like Mad Libs) and they’ll spit out some stock speeches with the names already in there. The results can be choppy and disjointed. One such excerpt (the underlined parts are my fill-in-the-blank choices):
“Rachel - in case any of you hadn't noticed, is the perfect wife, and I'm lucky she said yes.
I'm lucky to have someone who can live with my toe fungus.
I'm lucky to have someone who can live with my nose hair.
And I'm lucky to have someone who is just so good hearted and so good to be with.
Someone once wrote [sic] that a good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust. On that basis I would say we are 100% ready for this.”
Not the smoothest. But if you have utterly no idea where to start, these templates can give you a rough, rough first draft that you then personalize and polish.
A few other useful links:
20 Speech Topics (but mostly just a detailed list of who to thank—yawn)
Some quotes. Most are awful. Some are potentially useful.
More toast templates:
Really want to geek-out and over-prepare? There are some books like the “Complete Guide to Groom Speeches.”
(Frankly, you’re better off just going to a bookstore and flicking through a few of the sample templates to see if they’re worth a darn.)
Groom’s Wedding Day Emergency List
Here is a great List for the Groom to have on hand the day of the wedding. It is a big list so pick and choose what makes sense to the groom. After all, the Bride is not the only one who can have an emergency moment.
Black socks (a few pairs)
Cologne, travel size
Extra shirt buttons
Extra cufflinks (2-3 pairs)
Threat that matches the groom/groomsmen’s tuxes & shirts
The TUX or SUIT!
Ties or Bow Ties
Shoe polish that matches the groom/groomsmen’s shoes
Band-Aids (that best match your skin tone)
Contact lens solution/cases
Insect repellent (for outdoor ceremonies or events – be sure it smells nice!)
Toothbrush and toothpaste
Wash cloth or hand towel
Handkerchief for dabbing sweat
1Sunglasses (pre-and-post ceremony)
Just In Case
Cash ($20 – you never know what you’ll need it for)
Cell phone (remember to turn it off or on silent before the wedding)
Drivers License or photo I.D. card
Duct tape (good for any handy repairs)
Extra copies of directions to your reception
Important phone numbers:
Notebook and pens
Snacks/bottled water (granola bars, dried fruit, etc.)
6 Things a groom should never forget the morning of his Wedding!
There are a few things in a man’s life, that is more nerve wracking or anxious inducing than the morning before their wedding. Nerves of thoughts of the bride not showing up or something going horribly wrong tend to overtake thoughts of the basic things. So, here are the top 6 items that a groom should never forget on the morning of his wedding.
Clean Nails: Grooms often forget the basics and nothing is more basic than forgetting to cut or cleaning nails. The grooms hands will never be photographed more than on a wedding day.
Hair Gel: Keeping your hair in order will require some form of hair gel. So whether you prefer hard wax or the wet look, bringing your favorite hair item is important.
Breathe Mints: Wedding days tend to be long days. Forgetting to brush your teeth on the morning of your wedding can be quite common as you get caught up with putting on your suit, tying your tie or making sure everyone else is ready can put more trivial matters to bed. A handy box of mints will ensure your breath is fresh all day.
Speech: Most grooms have their speech for the big day written on cards or a page. Forgetting this can be very embarrassing for some grooms when they are standing in front of their family and friends and do not know what to say.
Polished shoes: Once a groom has put on his suit and is ready to go, there is a sudden realization that the shoes need to be buffed or polished. It is easier and safer do this particular activity before you put on your suit, but if you are at a time when this is impossible or no one is available to help, place some papers down on the floor and polish away from your body.
Rings for the best man: One of the most important aspects for the best man, is holding the rings. Forgetting them and it there could be no wedding day.
Well I hope this page was a little helpful for you I promise if I find more information I feel will be useful, I will be sure to add it here. So be sure to come back often, also if you would like to leave a comment or suggestion go to my contact page.